A Sky Full of Stars

Ever since I was little, the nighttime stars have served as a great source of intrigue and mystery to me. They are so innocent, it seems, but also complex. Stars are optimistic beings, shining both brightly and dimly but never seeming sad to be reaching the end of their life.  I am a stargazer; I am always looking for the stars when the sun goes down and the moon comes up.  With that I am also in love with Coldplay’s new album Ghost Stories. It focuses so much on the mysticism of nature, in an understated way. One of the songs on the album is called A Sky Full of Stars, which is a love song but also manages to capture the beauty and wonder of the stars. This song has had me reminiscing about a trip I took last summer in which I was able to get pretty intimate with the stars and how much this moment I am about to relay to you made me stop, sit back, and let the universe take control.

Last summer, my friend Marissa decided to celebrate her birthday on an almost-abandoned farmhouse in Cuba, Missouri. This would be one of those places referred to as Middle-of-Nowhere, Missouri. Also, I am not a country girl, by any means. Regardless, here we were. We were only there for two days and one night, so on the only night of our stay Marissa, her three other guests, and myself took a couple blankets and laid in the front yard looking up at the sky. It was perfectly dark due to the lateness of the hour, but the darkness was no match for the diamonds staring back at us, which lit up the sky. Laying there sprawled out on top of each other, bellies full of banana s’mores, we watched the sky, not in hopes of a performance, but in contemplation of what’s to come and what it all might mean. It was in this contemplation that I saw it: my first shooting star. Then I saw another, and again another. It was like the universe knew we were watching and, with a flair for the dramatic, put on a show, breaking us free of our contemplative mindsets, and yet opening our minds to the greater possibilities the universe may have in store for us. The next day we were heading back home, filled with the wonder the stars of the night prior had instilled in us.

This wonder and awe is not something that can be lost, but rather just improved upon. I am only gaining intrigue for the stars, but without that special time I had spent with the stars, there may have been a wonder I could not have seen with just a quick glance. You never knew when a shooting star will cross your path.



Lorde Almighty

There is a new obsession blossoming within my soul: Lorde. When I first heard her song “Royals” I thought it was cool and different from what was out there. But now, I have come to obsess over the entire Pure Heroine album. Her music has intriguing beats with meaningful and complex language, but this is only half of what makes Lorde so interesting in my opinion. What I find most fascinating about Lorde is her ability to use language so honestly and beautifully at the same time. She has an obsession with words, which, as a writer, is inspiring to hear another writer say. I write so often and in such a formulaic manner that I always seem to use the same words, almost always as meaninglessly. In Lorde’s songs, I feel like I am always discovering new words, like archaic. She uses archaic in her song “Glory and Gore”. It’s not that I did not know the word so much as I had merely forgotten the existence of such a word. Her use of words and her arrangement of such language is awe-inspiring. Believe me when I say, I am taking notes.

Lorde – Tennis Court

Once Upon a Time

Okay, so yesterday’s post was a little intense. I was just going through a lot of emotions, as I’m sure you can imagine. Thanks for listening. Today, though, I would like to start off by saying sorry; I know it has been a while since I have written anything, and while I have been thinking of you, I have had to focus on finishing all of my homework so I can graduate this coming week. But I’m back now, and will be doing my best to make up for lost time. We need to spend some serious quality time together. Which is why I want to talk to you about something I have been thinking and reading a lot about lately… fairytales.

I was one of those little girls that loved princesses. I watched all the Disney princess movies over and over and sang all the songs with them. This was just the beginning of my love for fairytales. It was probably about a year ago that I really took an interest in reading the original fairytales by the Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Andersen. I can tell you honestly that I find their slightly gory tales of fantasy, royalty and romance disturbingly beautiful. I think some of it is the aspect of a romantic tragedy. The best fairytale I have read is Andersen’s “The Little Mermaid”. That’s crazy because I have never been a fan of Disney’s rendition of the tale. However, I loved Andersen’s story, possibly because it was so different from the Disney version. Andersen’s was not sugar-coated or really happy at all. But it was beautiful. It has so much meaning behind it. It is not just a tale for entertainment’s sake; it is a tale that describes what it means to love someone truly. If you are looking for a good and short read, this is a great story and you can find it online for free. Next, I am looking to read Andersen’s “The Snow Queen” which, of course, was Disney’s inspiration for their movie Frozen. It is a seven part story, so it might be a little while before I actually finish it.

Also, I discovered that Prince Charming was based off of real men called the Princes of Chambre. (You can read about the history here- http://www.bewilderingstories.com/special/contests/contest1/prince_charming.html). I just thought that was crazy exciting news for a fairytale fiend like myself.

Well I hope that was a little lighter than yesterday’s conversation. Hey, at least it was about something magical. And hopefully I have you interested in looking into some of these stories now. If you do read them, I would love to hear about what you think in the comments.



The Cost of Freedom

Earlier today, I was in a car accident. It was my second (or third depending on how you look at it) accident. I say that because the two I am considering happened while both cars were moving, whereas this other one happened when I basically hit a parked car in a parking lot. All I did though was scrape some paint off the car; it was really a small thing. All of my accidents would be considered small, but they all leave me feeling shaken. These two bigger car accidents, though, were not my fault. In both, I was hit by another car. The first time, around a year and a half ago, I was T-Boned. It was my first ever car accident, naturally on the night of my homecoming. It was not a bad accident in hindsight. My airbags did not deploy, no one was hurt, and my car was the only car with any damage to speak of, and even then I could still drive away from the scene of the accident just fine. The accident I experienced today was different from my first accident but still not my fault. This time I was rear-ended. Still my airbags did not deploy, no one was hurt, and I could drive my car away from the scene of the accident just fine. The differences were first that the woman who hit me was someone I knew and second that my neck and shoulders hurt from the impact. While the accident was far from severe, it still has sent me into a vortex of anxiety, wondering if these two accidents caused by other drivers will turn into something I experience frequently, and if this is true, will they get progressively worse, finally resulting in something like a drunk driver hitting me and causing my death? While some of my anxiety may be justified, it is much more than just these accidents that have caused my anxiety.

When I began driving when I was 15 and a half, I hated it. I saw the car as a death machine and, the act of driving just an unnecessary cause of fatality. It took me two learner’s permits, a driver’s ed class, a visit to a therapist, and my dad almost threatening me for me get my license. When I began driving on my own, with my own car, I absolutely loved it. I drove everywhere all the time. I, like every other teenager, had never known a freedom like this. In my accidents, though, I have learned the consequences of such freedom. While my accidents have not been bad (knock on wood), I cannot help but to think about how they could have happened, how fate could have not been on my side the way it was. And even, how in the future, it could be much worse. I am lucky and thankful that my accidents have not resulted in anything worse than just minute damage to my car and the other driver’s car, but I am always fearful that one day I might not be as lucky. That one day I could get hit, or hit another car, and it end with severe injury(s) or even death. All I can hope is that it does not happen to me. I can deal with some minor car accidents like the one I was in today or last year, but I just hope I am fortunate enough to not have to endure the injuries from or lose my life in a car accident.