My First Kiss Went a Little Like This…

…and by first kiss, I mean first crush. Before I move forward with this article, and my inspiration for this one, let me quickly state that I am Micki Wagner, I am eighteen years old, and I have never been kissed. On the lips. By a romantic interest. I know, you expected more of me, but really I’m pretty clean as far as that stuff goes, including the fact that I have never had a boyfriend. First let me point out that I go to an all-girls Catholic school (not to say I’m 100% with the religion stuff, but I will enlighten you with that in another post), and that I have been in a committed, albeit slightly confusing, relationship with two very important men for a little over two years now: Ben and Jerry. If you are wondering what makes our relationship complicated, it’s that there are so many different flavors I get overwhelmed and we go months on end without seeing each other. It’s complicated, but I digress.

That whole spiel was leading up to telling you about the story of my first crush. I just began reading the book “Man Up” by the fiercely fabulous Ross Mathews, and he recounts his first “relationships” (they were in the fifth grade, so I’m not sure how legit that really is, but anyway). I thought Well, that would make an interesting article, so I here I am at the beginning of my story.

Now let’s get to the actual story. I was in the second grade when I experienced my first crush. A puppy love, if you will. His name was Paul and he lived down the street from me. Actually, he still does live down the street, which makes things all the more awkward. Anyway, I remember we became fast friends and hung out on my swing set in my backyard, and on the swing set in his. We played pirates, I was quite the guys’ girl back in the day. I remember the day I found out we were each other’s crush. We were walking around our charming little suburban neighborhood when I, very innocently, even naively, asked him “Who is your crush?”

And you want to know what he said? He said this girl in my class named Jess *dramatic pause* and me. I was dumbfounded. Like what? you’re into me? I thought we were just friends. After he very courageously professed his crush for me, we went into his house and he taught me how to play the Game of Life.

The Hasbro board game, ya nasty. Get your mind out of the gutter.

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